not the same anymore.

YFriday, October 31, 2008' 10:02 AM

Today, i get my pay... wahahaha suppose to be happy. indead i am.. bcos this is the first time i get payed. bcos this my my first working job.. i been working two week at amk hub. haha.. i am happy really. i wanted to share wif the ppl tat i felf closer wif.. i share wif my daddy tat i got my pay and how happy i was.. but he don seem to care.. i noe tat he is busy working.. i did not blame him. just tat feel kind of hurt. when ever i have something happy.. my daddy would be the first i thik of. because he is my family. i wan him to noe how i am doing. as he did not spend much time with me. but he always brush me off.. he did not listen. i thought tat he wan to noe how i was doing.. but i guess its a no.. why no matter how much i do is not enough?? why won you just listen to me?? actually i just wanna share my happiness wif my family n frenz and the ppl i noe. but noe something, i reliese tat when i wanna share something no one is lisrening to me.. i felt so alone.. so... i am crying, i am hurt.. when i look in my phone, i wanna see who i can talk to.. because i really feel terrible.. but hahaha i reliese there is no one.. why is it always the same. why.. why when i really wan to share no one wan to bother me.. and when i do something which i dun wan den ppl start to care for me?? wat is tat?? pity me?? tell u wat, i dun need pity, wat i need is the care and love. wat i lack is the care i need from my frenz and family... but i always get nothing but HURT... thanks so much u noe... really.. hahah i really dunnoe tat i can get so much hurt.. i wan to find someone to talk, but who can i go to.. i always thought if 'you' never leave me, and hurt me.. would i be in this state?? if 'you' are there for me will i get so much hurt?? actually no one hurt me like 'you' do.. 'you' can walk away just like tat throwing me away.. i dunnoe how 'you' feel when 'you' do tat.. but all i noe is tat, 'you' dun wan me.. sometimes i wonder y other ppl can have their family to talk to.. to share things together.. no matter happy or sad thing.. but y is my family so different from others?? if 'you' never leave me, i would share my thoughts wif 'you'. but'you' just left... where are 'you'?? 'you' really dun wan me anymore?? do 'you' noe how much i miss 'you'?? do 'you' noe how pain i am today.. do 'you' noe how i feel?? why 'you' wan to leave bcos of a ... ?? is he tat important den me?? do 'you' noe tat i need 'you' badly?? i feel nothing today.. but hurt,pain and sad.. why only i can share my thoughts wif god?? why only he understand?? why not others?? why when i needed them the most there are not there for me?? i dunnoe.. i really dunnoe.. i really miss 'you' really... will 'you' come back for me?? dun hurt me anymore. because i cannot take it anymore.. will 'you' pls come back?? i really need you badly.. misses u badly.. do 'you' oso miss me?? like i do?? i really miss 'you'.. very much... very very much mummy.. will come back and love me?? i really need you so much....

mummy where are you?? i am so pain.. i need you... so badly.................

i noe tat there are still others who are worse den me.. but..

god heal me... make my pain go..
stop me from getting hurt..
but i am just so pain..
so hurt today..
no one will ever noe...

noe why i change my blogskin....... cos this is how i feel......