YWednesday, December 10, 2008' 12:38 AM
tOday is anOther boarding dayy lorr.. just hOpe that time can pass faster.. hOpe that can gO to school faster.. when school start then I will have no time to think so much think already.. maybe that way i will be happier.. living this way is a suffer fOr me.. i also dunnoe wat happen.. i wanna dO something that can take many many things off my mind.. only this way, i will be happier won't i? sometime laughing at the outside is so difficult for me.. but i think i dun have a choice.. i dun like to show a sad face.. it's not nice.. and i oso dun wan the ppl who concern me to get wOrried fOr me...
Church..
i think for many weeks i have missed the service.. because i am in malaysia.. but i am back now.. but some how i felt that things have changed.. i felt that i am far away from god.. i am far away from ppl that i loved.. i am far away from my frenz.. what have i done?? what's worse,i can tell no one.. i feel that everything is in my heart.. is it because i have not trust god enough? or is it because i am not good enough? or is it because i did not really open myself to him.. so that why things have became this way? i really dunnoe.. i felt that i can no longer do anything about it.. everything became so helpless to me, became so far away from me.. it's no longer the same as it is ya?
school
this 18 dec i am going to get my N level result.. dunnoe why.. somehow feel that i will not do well in it.. i dunnoe how to tell ppl.. i just hope that i can do well enOugh to do the course that i wanted.. that the best that i could wish for.. nth much more.. i am so wOrried.. but yet i could do nth about it.. because it have past..
sometimes i think, why the things i want could be so simple yet it's so difficut to get it.. i think is because i myself oso dunnoe what i want.. have been like a usless person ever since i stopped working.. i dun think that is the main reason.. i oso dunnoe why.. even go malaysia.. i should be happy and enjoy.. but now come to thik of it.. maybe i should not have go malaysia.. den things might not changed.. or should say i won feel this way..
i never know that the road could be so long;
i never know that i have to be alone;
i never know that things would be this way;
i never know that it could hurt so bad...
i guess it's just the way its going to be..
nOthing i dO would do much change..
whatever effort i put is usless..
nO matter how well i dO everything is still the same..
life are so disappointing.. no mattar how well youu did,
it's just gona be the same isn't it??
den why shOuld I even try??
ok tat end..
dun ask why i write this..
i won say.. think watever youu like
well den.. tata
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