YTuesday, February 17, 2009' 11:03 PM
hello!
well i am in sch now. suppose to do project, but suddenly feel like posting, so hahas. decided to slack a while:P today nothing much in sch happen, hmm, have not smoke one yet today, dunnoe y. dun feel like smoking all of the sudden. maybe that's only for a while ba. been feeling down this few days. really dunnoe y. seem like nowdays my life are getting more and more meaningless. haiis. will i die one day? soon? i really dunnoe. felt like i am dying soon. today someone sms me in the morning, asked that have we all changed? do we hate her that much? that even we go out oso never sms or contact her? i replyed, i have changed. and its the truth. for thoese who very long never see me, i dun think u all noe ba. but seriously i have changed a lot already. to me, its a bad changed. but there is nothing much i can do do. because i have allow myself to change. back to it, i have changed but they never. and nope, we don hate you. and its the truth. if u ask why go out never asked u along. i can only say that, i really dunnoe how to face you. i cannot get pass myself how do i even face you? when the person dun trust you, that the end. is'nt it? i trying my very best to forget all the unhappy things that have happen. i even said sorry for these things that i have done wrong. i dun mean to hurt anyone or you. but you dun seem to forgive me. since its like tat, there is nothing much i could do. i dunnoe y, maybe cos of somethings, i really changed alot. i am not the old me anymore. things really getting hard on me. and i am trying my very best to fight off. but it seems no use. i am weak, very weak. i may looked strong outside, but i am really weak inside me. i really need ppl to help me. but i am scare. i scare they will hurt me, if they will might as well i keep things to myself. i rather hurt myself than letting ppl to hurt me or i go hurt other ppl. bcos the hurt is really painful. i can never forget how a person dun trust me. how much does it hurt me. i trusted you ao much, i thought u really noe me. but i guess i was wrong. or should say, we were both wrong. maybe we cannot be good frenz becos of the differences. or should say we have lost the trust in each other. no point saying so much. if things have to happen. i guess all is my fault. if i am to die soon. its all my own problem. becos i do the thing which i regretted. maybe in my life there is no good frenz for me, or my frenz who have not come yet.
thanks to all the frenz who are helping me. i am sorry that i ahve let you all down, maybe i really cannot go back to the old me, i need to learn to move on le ba, i guess. maybe this is how i am. i am just so usless when things really happen. sometime i really started to believe that, wat u say are easy, but when u start to do it, it's so difficult.. anyway, i will really try my best to find myself back. becos the now me, make me feel that i am nothing. but i really dunnoe where can i start. or how should i start. can i really find the old me back? i really dunnoe. maybe the chance are just so slim. i guess.. well, lets see about it. but really thanks for yr support. at least i noe that i am not alone...
