not the same anymore.

YFriday, February 12, 2010' 11:36 PM

leave me alone..

its new year eve, ppl going to have reunion dinner today.. my family, yeah, going to have it too, although you are not here.. i miss the times when you are there, when you are here, we dun have to do anything, just need to wait to EATTT~ haha but now, you are not here le, everything we got to do, and brought things last min. now i know how tough it is.. i really miss you.. today while preparing, dad and brother quarrel, when i see that, i got no mood to do anything. they just making me feel worse. i hide my emotional.. i feel sad but theres nth i could do. and when they quarrel, that it! sigh. and when i go back to the room, brother tell me, after grandmother is gone, nobody going to love me. and his eyes is red. i know he cried. he is more upset den me, but show nth. when he said that, my heart feel a sharp pain.. i have not been a good sister have i? why cant my brother feel anything? i really dunnoe... at this moment, i feel like crying. but i will not. this is my tough time, will i be able to get through it? i really dunnoe.. will i be strong enough to get through all this? went church yesterday. i can no longer feel god. worship him but seems nth.. maybe its time to go.. im not use to it, its been two weeks.. but there is nth i can do. i need a break from all this.. im working tomorrow.. hope everything is just going to be fine..

i miss you..
im sorry for not being really nice..
will you come back?
tell me, when can i do to make that hurtful and painful feeling to go away? wat must i do?